So tomorrow is the big day. The day I leave for my solo European adventure. I literally cannot believe how quickly the times gone! When I began booking my month of travels, it always seemed so far away. Now, 7 months later here I am, all packed up and ready to go.
When I tell people about the fact I'm going traveling I get the general reaction of wow, that sounds amazing, I'm jealous etc. Then comes the big question.. who are you traveling with? When I answer that I'm going by myself I have grown to simply laugh at the reaction. "You're crazy" "You're mad" "Why?" and my favourite... "but what will you do... you'll be on your own?!" People seem to wonder why an earth I would do such a thing on my own and seem to think it's truly outrageous. It's as if traveling is something that is seen as a shared experience, but in my opinion to truly immerse yourself into a different country and a different culture I think sometimes you be have to be alone to fully appreciate it. Cut yourself off from everything you know and just adapt because you can. These questions people ask, to me, just shows how much people are scared by the thought of their own company. I embrace solitude, as I have written about in a previous blog post, but I still feel like people are afraid of it. To be free from the restrictions of other people, of other peoples judgements; brings a freedom that is indescribable. While I'm away I can do what I want, when I want and how I want and there's going to be no one to stop me. I think that's quite a liberating experience and I'm surprised not many other people do the same.
So I'm going traveling, yep on my own and I'm going to be a traveller. Not a tourist. Because there's a big difference between a traveller and a tourist. A traveller is seeking something deeper than just photos and anecdotes. They are seeking an adventure. Seeking the freedom that comes with immersing yourself into unknown places, hidden getaways and uncovering places and sights you'd never imagine coming across. Being a tourist is conventional, but being a traveller is courageous. I'll admit I'm not fearless. Its a scary thing to do, but if it wasn't scary it wouldn't be worth doing. Anticipation adds to the excitement and although I'll miss my family and friends I will come back with a million stories to tell. Life's too short to live with regrets. I don't want to be one of these people who look back one day and wish they had of done more with their lives. Wish they had have taken advantage of the opportunities they had right on their doorstep but instead were too afraid to just say yes.
So for 32 days I'll be visiting 5 different countries. A variety of places lay waiting to be revealed, and I'll be seeing them in this order...Berlin, Dresden, Nuremberg, Munich, Klagenfurt, Bologna, San Marino, Rimini, Rome, Sorrento, Florence, Venice, Milan, La Spezia and Vatican City. Words can't express how excited I am for this adventure, but my camera is at the ready and I'll be sure to write up a blog post either while I'm away or bombard it when I return. So, Aufwiedersehen and Arrivederci for now, the world awaits...
Just to put it simply... I love reading. I always have and I will always try and find a bit of time to take out and indulge in a good old book. I admit I always found it difficult to find the time out to do as such. Yet nowadays with my friends all living far away at university and me stuck in my own little world, I like to sit back in my free time and enter a new world of fiction. I think the main reason for that is because it's a good distraction for me, it keeps my mind occupied and creative rather than sitting dwelling on my loneliness and how much I truly miss them.
I think books are so powerful. I think its incredible that a handful of words can trigger such strong emotions, making you laugh out loud one minute and hysterically crying the next. I never used to cry at books no matter how sad, then once I read a particular series of books that for some reason really got to me and there I was crying bucket loads. Ever since, I find myself shedding a tear at the smallest of tragedies hidden beneath the words on page. The hopeless romantic stuck inside of me is admittedly a big Nicholas Sparks fan; the epitome of tragic romance. So there I'll be, sitting on a train finishing the last couple of chapters, tears spilling from my eyes while undoubtedly a few curious glances are being pointed my way. (And I hate to admit that's happened more than once...)
But it's that amazing moment where you're so gripped in this other world you forget your surroundings and get lost in the emotions just from the words on the page in front of you and your eyes just can't leave the page. And then you come to the end and for a minute you sit there in a slight daze. Heartbroken at the fact the relationships you just formed with the people in the book are over, that you've come to the end and it takes a moment or two to come back to reality. I love that feeling. Not the one where you're at the end of the book but that moment you are forced to put it down and it takes a moment to realise the footsteps you were just walking in and life you were just living really were just fiction; a figure of your imagination due to the stimuli of a few words.
In one of the books I read the other day there was a quote I remember really well, It went... "I love reading. Books give me what I don't have in real life". For some reason this quote has stuck with me and it struck me just how true it is. Not only do they give you what you don't have they can help you forget what you do. Sometimes we need to escape and by letting ourselves in to the world of fiction, getting so caught up in between the words, you find yourself able to forget what is going on in your head and in your life... The perfect escape.
Fiction is amazing in my opinion. I think it's amazing how you can create relationships with characters, admiring them, hating them, loving them. When it comes to films and television the characters are there before your eyes but by reading, your mind is the one that creates them. You see them how you want to see them and there's such a freedom that comes to being able to use your own imagination to further create a story. I also think reading has the capability to change your perspective on your own life by witnessing another persons point of view. And occasionally I find myself reading things that are so relatable that I find it hard to believe I didn't write it myself.
Solitude is one of my favourite words. Not for the sound as it's not exactly the most pleasant, but because of its meaning. I am a very independent person and although I cannot imagine a life without my friends and family, and I couldn't ask for better company, I love being by myself. Embracing the glory of solitude to its full capability. There is such a freedom that comes as a side effect to solitude. The freedom to be able to think deeply about life; or the freedom to just lay in the grass and watch the clouds pass overhead with the sun warming the ground around you hearing no sound but your own thoughts. There's a well known saying that being alone is not the same as being lonely and I couldn't agree more. Being by yourself does not make you any less of a person, embracing the company of yourself is one of the strongest things you can do because it means you are accepting yourself for who you are. You aren't trying to change drastically to create better perceptions of yourself but its a gradual process of beginning to love yourself. I think being on your own, truly on your own, can you only then really get to know the real you. You delve into thoughts you never knew existed, figure out skills and a creativity you never knew you had and can gradually become more confident in your own skin, gaining more confidence in your own decisions.
This is one of the main reasons I am going traveling on my own. I feel like it's a necessity for me to begin to get to know myself better and I really feel that I can only do that through solitude while doing one of the things I love to do: travel. I yearn to be in places I've never been, to gaze in awe at the most beautiful sights. I will have the freedom to ride my bike as far as I want to go, eat whatever I want whenever I want, go walking in woodland and look at the wildlife or get up at a ridiculous time in the morning just to watch the sunrise above a mountain top. Most of you are probably thinking but you could do all of that with someone else... and you're right, but to me there's just something about being alone that I can't describe. I just think that it is so wonderful to enjoy your own company.
Of course this doesn't apply all of the time. I love being alone, granted, but I don't like being lonely. Loneliness is the grievance of Solitude, it's evil twin but I do believe that there's a choice. You have the freedom to choose whether to dwell on the negatives of being alone or to embrace it. Sometimes that's a really tough battle and occasionally loneliness will win but it's particularly in these times, when loneliness is overwhelming, that I find friends to be the best medicine.
I'm also not one of these women who need a man in their life to be happy. I personally think that true happiness comes from a fundamental love for yourself. Yep it's that cheesy saying isn't it, you have to love yourself before someone can love you. It's not completely true of course but I think the general message of it is particularly important. You have to have an ounce of self love, respect and appreciation for you to truly believe that you deserve the love you receive. I'm the kind of person who pushes people away because I guess I'm a bit of an all or nothing girl, but lately I've realised it's my insecurities that hold me back. My lack of belief that I deserve true happiness and true love. Because of that I have realised I need to embrace my solitude, figure out who I am. So I'm going travelling with just me, myself and I and I intend to truly make the most of it.
Distance. That short word with such a long meaning. The fact is the world is a pretty big place and yet with the advances in technology nowadays it has never been easier to communicate with each other, no matter where we are in the world. I could pick up the phone or pop up on chat to someone in Australia and hear back within seconds. Which baring in mind is the other side of the world from here is really quite impressive. So why do we find distance so hard and such a formidable topic when it comes to relationships and friendships.
When people think about long distance relationships the main opinion is it rarely works but occasionally it can. The general thought is that these types of relationships are more likely to fail than others and yet no one really knows where that myth has come from. I just looked up some statistics about it for example and over 14 million people from the US alone are in long-distance relationships and according to this site '75 % of all engaged couples have been (at some point) in a long distance relationship'. Which is pretty amazing considering the myths surrounding them. Through my experience this myth is mostly created by word of mouth: "Oh I know someone who was in a long distance relationship, it didn't last". Something I and probably you have heard before. It is then drilled into our minds that long distance just would not work. I genuinely believe however that if two people really wanted to be with each other enough, distance wouldn't matter. Okay it would be hard, it would be damned difficult and there would be times where you doubt everything but if you're strong enough to cope with it, you can make it work. You would appreciate every moment you were together with such sincerity that the good times would equal out all of those in-between days spent in limbo counting down the days to see each other again. I think that long distance relationships that last are so special and I believe that anyone who is in one is so strong.
I'm writing this post however not just about long distance relationships, which I have no personal experience of, but about friendships. Leaving college last year and choosing not to go to university was a difficult thing to do. My college in particular pushed university to the max and it was just the expectation that I would go; and yet I never wanted to. Of course I can understand why people would but choosing not to was, in my mind, one of the best decisions I could have made. It did however mean I was sacrificing a huge change in my social life. All of my closest friends (with a couple of exceptions) all moved away, creating new lives and making new friends for life. This terrified me. All of my friends would move away and forget about me and I would be stuck in this little ol' town on my own. But then I slapped myself around the face and realised that friendships don't just happen and then end. Okay, so some friendships are like shooting stars, a flashing glimpse and then gone again. Generally however friendships take a lot of hard work but nothing is more worthy of time and effort. I couldn't imagine my life without my friends and I think that is what scared me. I was scared to lose one of the most precious things I was lucky enough to have in my life. But I realised that it was just a choice. A choice to either sit back and wallow in my solitude and self-pity for a long time, or make a choice to put in the effort and keep these friendships alive. For me, it was a no brainer. My best friends are the most incredible people and they are what keep me going in the dark times. When everything gets too much and I am surrounded by only darkness my friends are always there, the light at the end of the tunnel. They encourage me to use all of my strength and reach the end and slowly but surely get me back to myself again. I could never be more grateful and I wish I was able to show how appreciative I was and how much it means that they're always there but I could never find the words to do my gratefulness justice.
Distance separates all of us, but its your perspective on distance which makes a difference. My friends are now miles away and I really struggle to cope with that sometimes. I struggle that I can't just text and meet up for coffee in an hour or pop round their house to say hi, but I've come to the realisation now that it doesn't matter how far away we are from each other. When we come together now, I appreciate every moment and treasure it knowing it may not happen again for a while. I've found that I have developed my inner self and grown a lot by being independent and through my solitude I have been able to also appreciate the easiness of communication. I know now that anytime I need them they are on the other end of the phone or just a train ride away.
There was a quote I loved during the time they were leaving... "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard". And that really hit home as to how lucky I was and I like to think of that quote every time I have to say goodbye to them for a while. I was sad at the prospect of them leaving and it hurts from time to time now, knowing that they're not just around the corner. Yet I know deep down that having that something to miss, has deepened my appreciation of its existence in the first place. I am also safe in the knowledge that it doesn't matter where we are in our lives, some friendships really can and will last forever. Distance is just another test, some friendships have failed because of it but if a friendship is strong enough to withstand long distance and two people are keen enough to keep that friendship alive, it is one of the easiest and most heart warming things to do.
Firstly, thank you...I would just like to say I am blown away by the response I have gotten by starting this blog. Of course at first I was apprehensive about starting it and yet with over 200 page views in not much longer than 24 hours, I am speechless. Well okay obviously not completely speechless as I'm sat here typing away but you know what I mean.
In fact the response I have received has really gotten me thinking about how important kindness is. I truly believe that a small act of kindness can go such a long way. Even a tiny, miniscule act of kindness will carry on expanding and create this ripple effect that in hindsight never really ends. Take a smile for example. No doubt every person reading this, which may be a couple more than I originally thought, has managed to fake a smile. Sometimes when you're falling apart on the inside the only thing you have left to do is smile, because smiling is quite possibly the best disguise a person can wear. You can be breaking inside but when you're wearing a smile no one will ask what is wrong, the question that could be the final straw to break you down into pieces. Well anyway, what I'm trying to say is that smiles are contagious. If someone walking past you down the street flashes you a smile, a large percentage of the time you will smile back and the same goes for customer service. If you go into a shop or a café and the person who serves you is extremely friendly and cheerfully smiling (within reason) it can have the capability to make you feel that little bit uplifted. Even if it's just that little act, being noticed and recognised even just for one second can mean more to a lot of people than anyone would ever realise.
A compliment is the same in my opinion. Okay so most of the time people rarely accept compliments. "I like your hair today", "eugh it's a mess". I'm guessing that most of you have experienced similar scenario conversations before. It's strange how compliments are rarely accepted nowadays but I guess that stems from a lack of self esteem when it comes to what others may think about us, we are our own worst critic after all. I find the smallest act can mean so much to me because I'm a particularly sensitive person. For example at work the other day (I work in a coffee shop by the way) a regular customer and I were talking about baking. Riveting conversation I know, however she was telling me about this cake which she makes all of the time. A few days later she came in again and handed me the recipe. She had gone out of her way, with me in mind, wrote the recipe out, remembered to put it in her bag that day just to give it to me. This may seem a strange story to be telling but I was really touched by that small act of kindness. Some people reading will probably be thinking did I really read all of this just to hear that dramatic plot twist, but to me I found it hard to believe that I was important enough in her life for her to go out of her way to do that. I guess it made me realise maybe they don't always just see me as the girl who serves them their coffee.
I don't know why but I am always blown away by the prospect that someone else has thought about me or done something for me. I'm not saying I consider myself a transparent figure in people's lives, of course occasionally everyone feels that way now and then but it's these small acts which bring the colour back. Sometimes life can be so black and white, mundane and monotonous and then someone will perform an act of kindness, no matter how small, just for you and I believe that personal touch can bring you back again. I believe it can give you such a sense of fulfilment and importance. No matter how long that feeling lasts, seconds or days, I think it's appreciating these things that can help lead toward a deeper feeling of true happiness. I feel happier lately because I've adapted to this new perspective of being grateful and just seeing the greatness in every small act. Because in the end it's all the little things that add up to be the biggest.
One thing I’m strict about in my life is to never ever
regret. Take every opportunity as it arises and simply make the most of every
opportunity that will ultimately add to your overall life experiences. If I
want something I’ll try my best to make it happen, go with the flow and even if
it causes slight consequences, I never wish it didn’t happen. No matter how
much you may wish for a time machine to take you back to that precise moment in
time where you feel you shouldn’t have done something, it will never happen. Knowing
this has helped me to never even think that way again. Wondering what if will
never change anything nor will it change your feelings or anyone else’s. What
is done is done and although that may be a bleak outlook, to me that is simply
reality. Reality is harsh, so is life. Life is frigging difficult. We never
grew up thinking it would be easy, we’ve simply matured into realising that
things have a lot more depth to them than a child’s perspective. A lot of
people say they wish they could go back to being a kid again, when life was this so called
'easy'. I can’t deny I’ve even said it before, but if ever I do come across a
thought like that I simply become nostalgic. I put on those rose-tinted glasses
and I appreciate the amazing memories from my childhood. I realise how lucky I
was to be so free back then and instead of loathing I come to the realisation
that although I am physically older now, the key to happiness is staying young
hearted. Everyone has an inner child within them and there’s never an excuse
not to feel young again...
The
truth is there are so many things swirling around my head, it almost feels like
I’m trying to swim upstream against a strong current that’s just trying to pull
me under. Currently? I’m still above the surface and my ever expanding outlook
on life is helping keep me there. I have the strongest, most indescribable
desire to see the world; not only see it, but to experience it. I want to sit
on my own at the top of a mountain on top of the world, breathing in the
freshest air and watching an eagle swoop down and fly at its own will.
Obviously I’ve always wanted to fly, hasn’t everyone? But I also believe that
if we were able to it wouldn’t be this dream that everyone had, we would take
it for granted and not realise how lucky we were, which I guess is also my
attitude on money. It’s sad to think that money is such a depending factor on
whether we can or can’t do what we want to in life. If money wasn’t an issue I
would up and leave and travel around the world, seeing every nook and cranny the
world has to offer and no doubt everyone has a stored up answer for when
someone asks "what would you do if money wasn’t an issue?" But again it’s the M
word that stops it. My guess is nearly everyone reading this, which is more
than likely not many, have heard the question “what would you do if you won the
lottery?”. Funny enough you have to play it to actually win it which in
my experience not many people seem to realise, it’s as though talking about it
and day dreaming about it will automatically one day make you win.
Anyway, slightly off key there, but the fact is I yearn to travel the world. I am extremely lucky already, I have visited around 26 countries which is phenomenal for my age (I am 19 by the way) and I know how lucky I am. I simply yearn for more, I guess you could say I have a severe case of the 'travel bug'. But this is the exact reason why I have decided to go traveling, for a month and all by myself. And as I am scraping pennies trying to save up enough, I am counting down the days until I leave. Which happens to be in fact... 3 months today.
