The glory of Solitude

Solitude is one of my favourite words. Not for the sound as it's not exactly the most pleasant, but because of its meaning. I am a very independent person and although I cannot imagine a life without my friends and family, and I couldn't ask for better company, I love being by myself. Embracing the glory of solitude to its full capability. There is such a freedom that comes as a side effect to solitude. The freedom to be able to think deeply about life; or the freedom to just lay in the grass and watch the clouds pass overhead with the sun warming the ground around you hearing no sound but your own thoughts. There's a well known saying that being alone is not the same as being lonely and I couldn't agree more. Being by yourself does not make you any less of a person, embracing the company of yourself is one of the strongest things you can do because it means you are accepting yourself for who you are. You aren't trying to change drastically to create better perceptions of yourself but its a gradual process of beginning to love yourself. I think being on your own, truly on your own, can you only then really get to know the real you. You delve into thoughts you never knew existed, figure out skills and a creativity you never knew you had and can gradually become more confident in your own skin, gaining more confidence in your own decisions.


This is one of the main reasons I am going traveling on my own. I feel like it's a necessity for me to begin to get to know myself better and I really feel that I can only do that through solitude while doing one of the things I love to do: travel. I yearn to be in places I've never been, to gaze in awe at the most beautiful sights. I will have the freedom to ride my bike as far as I want to go, eat whatever I want whenever I want, go walking in woodland and look at the wildlife or get up at a ridiculous time in the morning just to watch the sunrise above a mountain top. Most of you are probably thinking but you could do all of that with someone else... and you're right, but to me there's just something about being alone that I can't describe. I just think that it is so wonderful to enjoy your own company.

Of course this doesn't apply all of the time. I love being alone, granted, but I don't like being lonely. Loneliness is the grievance of Solitude, it's evil twin but I do believe that there's a choice. You have the freedom to choose whether to dwell on the negatives of being alone or to embrace it. Sometimes that's a really tough battle and occasionally loneliness will win but it's particularly in these times, when loneliness is overwhelming, that I find friends to be the best medicine.

I'm also not one of these women who need a man in their life to be happy. I personally think that true happiness comes from a fundamental love for yourself. Yep it's that cheesy saying isn't it, you have to love yourself before someone can love you. It's not completely true of course but I think the general message of it is particularly important. You have to have an ounce of self love, respect and appreciation for you to truly believe that you deserve the love you receive. I'm the kind of person who pushes people away because I guess I'm a bit of an all or nothing girl, but lately I've realised it's my insecurities that hold me back. My lack of belief that I deserve true happiness and true love. Because of that I have realised I need to embrace my solitude, figure out who I am. So I'm going travelling with just me, myself and I and I intend to truly make the most of it.

Distance is just another test...

Distance. That short word with such a long meaning. The fact is the world is a pretty big place and yet with the advances in technology nowadays it has never been easier to communicate with each other, no matter where we are in the world. I could pick up the phone or pop up on chat to someone in Australia and hear back within seconds. Which baring in mind is the other side of the world from here is really quite impressive. So why do we find distance so hard and such a formidable topic when it comes to relationships and friendships.

When people think about long distance relationships the main opinion is it rarely works but occasionally it can. The general thought is that these types of relationships are more likely to fail than others and yet no one really knows where that myth has come from. I just looked up some statistics about it for example and over 14 million people from the US alone are in long-distance relationships and according to this site '75 % of all engaged couples have been (at some point) in a long distance relationship'. Which is pretty amazing considering the myths surrounding them. Through my experience this myth is mostly created by word of mouth: "Oh I know someone who was in a long distance relationship, it didn't last". Something I and probably you have heard before. It is then drilled into our minds that long distance just would not work. I genuinely believe however that if two people really wanted to be with each other enough, distance wouldn't matter. Okay it would be hard, it would be damned difficult and there would be times where you doubt everything but if you're strong enough to cope with it, you can make it work. You would appreciate every moment you were together with such sincerity that the good times would equal out all of those in-between days spent in limbo counting down the days to see each other again. I think that long distance relationships that last are so special and I believe that anyone who is in one is so strong.

I'm writing this post however not just about long distance relationships, which I have no personal experience of, but about friendships. Leaving college last year and choosing not to go to university was a difficult thing to do. My college in particular pushed university to the max and it was just the expectation that I would go; and yet I never wanted to. Of course I can understand why people would but choosing not to was, in my mind, one of the best decisions I could have made. It did however mean I was sacrificing a huge change in my social life. All of my closest friends (with a couple of exceptions) all moved away, creating new lives and making new friends for life. This terrified me. All of my friends would move away and forget about me and I would be stuck in this little ol' town on my own. But then I slapped myself around the face and realised that friendships don't just happen and then end. Okay, so some friendships are like shooting stars, a flashing glimpse and then gone again. Generally however friendships take a lot of hard work but nothing is more worthy of time and effort. I couldn't imagine my life without my friends and I think that is what scared me. I was scared to lose one of the most precious things I was lucky enough to have in my life. But I realised that it was just a choice. A choice to either sit back and wallow in my solitude and self-pity for a long time, or make a choice to put in the effort and keep these friendships alive. For me, it was a no brainer. My best friends are the most incredible people and they are what keep me going in the dark times. When everything gets too much and I am surrounded by only darkness my friends are always there, the light at the end of the tunnel. They encourage me to use all of my strength and reach the end and slowly but surely get me back to myself again. I could never be more grateful and I wish I was able to show how appreciative I was and how much it means that they're always there but I could never find the words to do my gratefulness justice.


Distance separates all of us, but its your perspective on distance which makes a difference. My friends are now miles away and I really struggle to cope with that sometimes. I struggle that I can't just text and meet up for coffee in an hour or pop round their house to say hi, but I've come to the realisation now that it doesn't matter how far away we are from each other. When we come together now, I appreciate every moment and treasure it knowing it may not happen again for a while. I've found that I have developed my inner self and grown a lot by being independent and through my solitude I have been able to also appreciate the easiness of communication. I know now that anytime I need them they are on the other end of the phone or just a train ride away.

There was a quote I loved during the time they were leaving... "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard". And that really hit home as to how lucky I was and I like to think of that quote every time I have to say goodbye to them for a while. I was sad at the prospect of them leaving and it hurts from time to time now, knowing that they're not just around the corner. Yet I know deep down that having that something to miss, has deepened my appreciation of its existence in the first place. I am also safe in the knowledge that it doesn't matter where we are in our lives, some friendships really can and will last forever. Distance is just another test, some friendships have failed because of it but if a friendship is strong enough to withstand long distance and two people are keen enough to keep that friendship alive, it is one of the easiest and most heart warming things to do.

 

A miniscule act of kindness

Firstly, thank you...I would just like to say I am blown away by the response I have gotten by starting this blog. Of course at first I was apprehensive about starting it and yet with over 200 page views in not much longer than 24 hours, I am speechless. Well okay obviously not completely speechless as I'm sat here typing away but you know what I mean.

In fact the response I have received has really gotten me thinking about how important kindness is. I truly believe that a small act of kindness can go such a long way. Even a tiny, miniscule act of kindness will carry on expanding and create this ripple effect that in hindsight never really ends. Take a smile for example. No doubt every person reading this, which may be a couple more than I originally thought, has managed to fake a smile. Sometimes when you're falling apart on the inside the only thing you have left to do is smile, because smiling is quite possibly the best disguise a person can wear. You can be breaking inside but when you're wearing a smile no one will ask what is wrong, the question that could be the final straw to break you down into pieces. Well anyway, what I'm trying to say is that smiles are contagious. If someone walking past you down the street flashes you a smile, a large percentage of the time you will smile back and the same goes for customer service. If you go into a shop or a café and the person who serves you is extremely friendly and cheerfully smiling (within reason) it can have the capability to make you feel that little bit uplifted. Even if it's just that little act, being noticed and recognised even just for one second can mean more to a lot of people than anyone would ever realise.

A compliment is the same in my opinion. Okay so most of the time people rarely accept compliments. "I like your hair today", "eugh it's a mess". I'm guessing that most of you have experienced similar scenario conversations before. It's strange how compliments are rarely accepted nowadays but I guess that stems from a lack of self esteem when it comes to what others may think about us, we are our own worst critic after all. I find the smallest act can mean so much to me because I'm a particularly sensitive person. For example at work the other day (I work in a coffee shop by the way) a regular customer and I were talking about baking. Riveting conversation I know, however she was telling me about this cake which she makes all of the time. A few days later she came in again and handed me the recipe. She had gone out of her way, with me in mind, wrote the recipe out, remembered to put it in her bag that day just to give it to me. This may seem a strange story to be telling but I was really touched by that small act of kindness. Some people reading will probably be thinking did I really read all of this just to hear that dramatic plot twist, but to me I found it hard to believe that I was important enough in her life for her to go out of her way to do that. I guess it made me realise maybe they don't always just see me as the girl who serves them their coffee.

I don't know why but I am always blown away by the prospect that someone else has thought about me or done something for me. I'm not saying I consider myself a transparent figure in people's lives, of course occasionally everyone feels that way now and then but it's these small acts which bring the colour back. Sometimes life can be so black and white, mundane and monotonous and then someone will perform an act of kindness, no matter how small, just for you and I believe that personal touch can bring you back again. I believe it can give you such a sense of fulfilment and importance. No matter how long that feeling lasts, seconds or days, I think it's appreciating these things that can help lead toward a deeper feeling of true happiness. I feel happier lately because I've adapted to this new perspective of being grateful and just seeing the greatness in every small act. Because in the end it's all the little things that add up to be the biggest.  
 

A little bit of wisdom I like to call my own

One thing I’m strict about in my life is to never ever regret. Take every opportunity as it arises and simply make the most of every opportunity that will ultimately add to your overall life experiences. If I want something I’ll try my best to make it happen, go with the flow and even if it causes slight consequences, I never wish it didn’t happen. No matter how much you may wish for a time machine to take you back to that precise moment in time where you feel you shouldn’t have done something, it will never happen. Knowing this has helped me to never even think that way again. Wondering what if will never change anything nor will it change your feelings or anyone else’s. What is done is done and although that may be a bleak outlook, to me that is simply reality. Reality is harsh, so is life. Life is frigging difficult. We never grew up thinking it would be easy, we’ve simply matured into realising that things have a lot more depth to them than a child’s perspective. A lot of people say they wish they could go back to being a kid again, when life was this so called 'easy'. I can’t deny I’ve even said it before, but if ever I do come across a thought like that I simply become nostalgic. I put on those rose-tinted glasses and I appreciate the amazing memories from my childhood. I realise how lucky I was to be so free back then and instead of loathing I come to the realisation that although I am physically older now, the key to happiness is staying young hearted. Everyone has an inner child within them and there’s never an excuse not to feel young again...

Travel vs Money.

The truth is there are so many things swirling around my head, it almost feels like I’m trying to swim upstream against a strong current that’s just trying to pull me under. Currently? I’m still above the surface and my ever expanding outlook on life is helping keep me there. I have the strongest, most indescribable desire to see the world; not only see it, but to experience it. I want to sit on my own at the top of a mountain on top of the world, breathing in the freshest air and watching an eagle swoop down and fly at its own will.

Obviously I’ve always wanted to fly, hasn’t everyone? But I also believe that if we were able to it wouldn’t be this dream that everyone had, we would take it for granted and not realise how lucky we were, which I guess is also my attitude on money. It’s sad to think that money is such a depending factor on whether we can or can’t do what we want to in life. If money wasn’t an issue I would up and leave and travel around the world, seeing every nook and cranny the world has to offer and no doubt everyone has a stored up answer for when someone asks "what would you do if money wasn’t an issue?" But again it’s the M word that stops it. My guess is nearly everyone reading this, which is more than likely not many, have heard the question “what would you do if you won the lottery?”. Funny enough you have to play it to actually win it which in my experience not many people seem to realise, it’s as though talking about it and day dreaming about it will automatically one day make you win.

Anyway, slightly off key there, but the fact is I yearn to travel the world. I am extremely lucky already, I have visited around 26 countries which is phenomenal for my age (I am 19 by the way) and I know how lucky I am. I simply yearn for more, I guess you could say I have a severe case of the 'travel bug'. But this is the exact reason why I have decided to go traveling, for a month and all by myself. And as I am scraping pennies trying to save up enough, I am counting down the days until I leave. Which happens to be in fact... 3 months today.

Hello

I’ve always wanted to write a book or a blog, I’ve just never known where to start or even how. I guess there’s just a lot swirling around in my mind and yet there’s no one currently in my life who I could sit and talk to about everything. Plus it would take a monstrous amount of time and they would no doubt be snoring away within minutes.

So today I thought...you know what, there's no point sitting thinking about wanting to do it. If I want something to happen it's me that has to do something about it. Proactivity is key to change. So here I am, typing away and ready to write some posts that most people will probably never read. But as long as I'm getting it out there, what's the harm?

So I'm calling myself Wonder Girl... not after the comic hero 'Wonder Woman', I'm not that arrogant, but because I am inquisitive and enjoy the little things in life. I am full of wonder and awe and I want to share some things with people who may or may not listen. So hopefully you won't hate me or my thoughts too much and I hope I don't bore you with my posts either. If you do take some time out to read as few or as many posts, I would like to say thank you. It means more than you'll ever know...