Saturday 18 January 2014

Distance is just another test...


Distance. That short word with such a long meaning. The fact is the world is a pretty big place and yet with the advances in technology nowadays it has never been easier to communicate with each other, no matter where we are in the world. I could pick up the phone or pop up on chat to someone in Australia and hear back within seconds. Which baring in mind is the other side of the world from here is really quite impressive. So why do we find distance so hard and such a formidable topic when it comes to relationships and friendships.

When people think about long distance relationships the main opinion is it rarely works but occasionally it can. The general thought is that these types of relationships are more likely to fail than others and yet no one really knows where that myth has come from. I just looked up some statistics about it for example and over 14 million people from the US alone are in long-distance relationships and according to this site '75 % of all engaged couples have been (at some point) in a long distance relationship'. Which is pretty amazing considering the myths surrounding them. Through my experience this myth is mostly created by word of mouth: "Oh I know someone who was in a long distance relationship, it didn't last". Something I and probably you have heard before. It is then drilled into our minds that long distance just would not work. I genuinely believe however that if two people really wanted to be with each other enough, distance wouldn't matter. Okay it would be hard, it would be damned difficult and there would be times where you doubt everything but if you're strong enough to cope with it, you can make it work. You would appreciate every moment you were together with such sincerity that the good times would equal out all of those in-between days spent in limbo counting down the days to see each other again. I think that long distance relationships that last are so special and I believe that anyone who is in one is so strong.

I'm writing this post however not just about long distance relationships, which I have no personal experience of, but about friendships. Leaving college last year and choosing not to go to university was a difficult thing to do. My college in particular pushed university to the max and it was just the expectation that I would go; and yet I never wanted to. Of course I can understand why people would but choosing not to was, in my mind, one of the best decisions I could have made. It did however mean I was sacrificing a huge change in my social life. All of my closest friends (with a couple of exceptions) all moved away, creating new lives and making new friends for life. This terrified me. All of my friends would move away and forget about me and I would be stuck in this little ol' town on my own. But then I slapped myself around the face and realised that friendships don't just happen and then end. Okay, so some friendships are like shooting stars, a flashing glimpse and then gone again. Generally however friendships take a lot of hard work but nothing is more worthy of time and effort. I couldn't imagine my life without my friends and I think that is what scared me. I was scared to lose one of the most precious things I was lucky enough to have in my life. But I realised that it was just a choice. A choice to either sit back and wallow in my solitude and self-pity for a long time, or make a choice to put in the effort and keep these friendships alive. For me, it was a no brainer. My best friends are the most incredible people and they are what keep me going in the dark times. When everything gets too much and I am surrounded by only darkness my friends are always there, the light at the end of the tunnel. They encourage me to use all of my strength and reach the end and slowly but surely get me back to myself again. I could never be more grateful and I wish I was able to show how appreciative I was and how much it means that they're always there but I could never find the words to do my gratefulness justice.


Distance separates all of us, but its your perspective on distance which makes a difference. My friends are now miles away and I really struggle to cope with that sometimes. I struggle that I can't just text and meet up for coffee in an hour or pop round their house to say hi, but I've come to the realisation now that it doesn't matter how far away we are from each other. When we come together now, I appreciate every moment and treasure it knowing it may not happen again for a while. I've found that I have developed my inner self and grown a lot by being independent and through my solitude I have been able to also appreciate the easiness of communication. I know now that anytime I need them they are on the other end of the phone or just a train ride away.

There was a quote I loved during the time they were leaving... "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard". And that really hit home as to how lucky I was and I like to think of that quote every time I have to say goodbye to them for a while. I was sad at the prospect of them leaving and it hurts from time to time now, knowing that they're not just around the corner. Yet I know deep down that having that something to miss, has deepened my appreciation of its existence in the first place. I am also safe in the knowledge that it doesn't matter where we are in our lives, some friendships really can and will last forever. Distance is just another test, some friendships have failed because of it but if a friendship is strong enough to withstand long distance and two people are keen enough to keep that friendship alive, it is one of the easiest and most heart warming things to do.
 

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